Merthur AU Fanfic : Honouring the Dead
by almaszahraghorilovesdollophead
Summary: Set after the battle of Camlann where magic is revealed but Arthur doesn't die. Merlin is frustrated after years of caring for Arthur far beyond the line of duty, and never being able to express these feelings. Arthur is buried in guilt and just can't accept these new feelings he has. But when a curse is placed on Arthur, it seems he must depend on these feelings more than ever...
1. Chapter 1

"Come on Merlin, you big girl!" Arthur laughed as he galloped through the forest upon his gleaming stallion.

"It's not my fault! You're the one who rushed off without me dollop-head!" he shot back, trying as hard as he could to keep up.

Although Merlin had learnt impressively fast how to ride on horseback since he arrived in Camelot, he could never beat Arthur who had ridden horses since he was very small. But Arthur usually kept back so they could both ride alongside each other, he didn't like the way he was riding ahead without him. He internally kicked himself at this thought however; how many times a day must he remind himself that Arthur does not- will not- ever care for him. He's just a servant to his king, and now that he had finally revealed his true talents, just another member of the court.

Do not misunderstand - Merlin was ecstatic that he had been made Court Sorcerer - it was groundbreaking for the whole of Camelot and relit the hope in him that was threatening to burn out not so long before. But Arthur, not surprisingly, did not have this outlook or decision from the start. There was much anger, betrayal and hurt that was evident, but after a couple of months had gone by, Arthur had contemplated, reasoned with himself, asked all the questions he needed answering and accepted Merlin. In no time at all, this was followed up by a huge ceremony, where Merlin was not only knighted but also dubbed Court Sorcerer.

Merlin had believed at the time that Arthur was now fine and things had gone back to the way they were, and for a few months they were, Merlin even remained personal servant and advisor to the King. In fact, now that Arthur knew just how much Merlin had done for him, things were even better than before, as Arthur still joked, but treated Merlin with the utmost respect when it came to serious matters, and he listened to him more than he had ever listened to anyone in his life. Merlin had felt the impeccable trust radiate from Arthur and it had filled him with joy and determination. Everything was perfect.

But recently things had changed slightly. Arthur had become distant from Merlin, no longer needing his presence at some council meetings, and even going as far as dismissing him from joining Arthur on his latest hunts and small missions. Merlin craved Arthur's presence more than air, yet here Arthur was the complete opposite, avoiding him at all costs.

What if Arthur was now rethinking his decisions regarding Merlin and his magic? What if he had noticed Merlin's caring for him was a little too friendly, and was rejecting him in a slow and subtle manner? Whatever it was Merlin felt it was bad and was worrying himself sick. He couldn't lose Arthur, not now nor ever.

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A huge massive thank you to all who have followed and faved, you have my most humble gratitude! Sorry that this chapter is so short, i will try to upload the next chapter within a week! I can't promise boat loads but i can promise you it will be pleasant enough! Again, THANK YOU xxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this has taken so long, life is just so hectic sometimes! Will try to be much more efficient in future, hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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If Merlin had stopped daydreaming for perhaps a second or so, he would have noticed that Arthur slowed and started to ride alongside him once they had reached a neck of the woods that he did not recognise. The tree foliage had become much more dense above, reducing the amount of sunlight able to filter through, and the shrubbery ahead started to seem almost impossible to walk through on foot never mind upon a horse. But Merlin did not notice, partially due to the fact that he was waist-deep in thought, partially because he trusted Arthur with his eyes closed, and therefore felt no need to pay attention.

"Merlin," His head whipped round as the sudden call broke his train of thought,"We need to carry on from here on foot. There's no way we can go on on horseback."

Merlin nodded obediently and jumped off his horse.

"You've been so quiet for most of the trip." Arthur looked at him, and he was unable to meet his eye, "Are you alright?"

"'Course." He smiled, still unable to look at him.

Arthur came over to him after tying his horse to a nearby tree.

"It's not like you to keep your thoughts from me Merlin," he grinned. "even if you know its inevitable that I won't listen."

Merlin laughed despite himself. "So you admit that you don't listen to me, even though I'm nearly always right?"

"I didn't say that! I've gone through most of our time together not listening to you, and yet here we are, still very much alive."

"Of course!" Merlin exclaimed, "That was all your doing! Obviously, I had nothing to do with it!"

Arthur laughed and Merlin's heart beat a little faster. "You helped a little!"

They walked on as Arthur hacked his way through, and Merlin followed close behind, his spirits now much uplifted.

"Where are we going?" he asked, curiously.

Arthur turned and gave him a cold stare.

"I told you not to ask before didn't i?" he snapped, "It's not possible for you to do one damn thing quietly is it?"

Merlin spirits dropped again dramatically, and he lagged behind a little, hurt at the sudden outburst of anger. Arthur looked a little guilty and punched his arm playfully.

Arthur led him along through the vast foliage and Merlin's hurt was melting away fast, quickly replaced by curiosity. Where on earth was Arthur taking him, and why was it such a secret? He hadn't ever been this bad even when they were searching for the Cup of Life. It was bizarre and worrying.

The sun was high in the sky, and as they walked into a small bank, there was stream running right across and the sun seemed to dance across the waters as if there were diamonds studded across a sleek silk material. Arthur pushed Merlin towards it teasingly and Merlin stepped across the stones tentatively, each threatening to push the other into the water.

"If you do Arthur, I'll never forgive you!" Merlin laughed. It was so odd how Arthur could introduce all these new emotions one after the other sending Merlin spiralling out of control with all the mood changes. He was happy now, but how long would it last before Arthur was mean again?

"Go faster then!" teased Arthur.

The rest of the journey consisted of this teasing and back-sassing until Arthur came to an abrupt halt. Merlin looked ahead and there were men conversing amongst each other, whilst one older man looked over his scroll vigorously checking for something.

"Now close your eyes Merlin." Merlin didn't hesitate and did as he was asked. Arthur led him to a patch of greenery hanging from a couple of trees and a great many boulders piled up high, so much so that they could no longer see the sun at all.

"Is everything ready?" he heard Arthur ask.

An old voice replied, "Yes, sire."

Arthur pushed the greenery aside and led Merlin through. Once through to the other side, he uncovered his eyes.

He squinted in the sudden sunlight streaming down, but as soon as his vision focussed, he looked round carefully. After drinking in the sights, it took everything in him to not cry.

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**I AM SOOOOO SORRY THAT THIS IS SO LATE AND IS NOT EVEN THAT SATISFYING I FEEL TERRIBLE BUT I HONESTLY HAVE NO TIME! I have a big family they take up all my time so yeh im sorry. Please follow, fave and review for more! **

**P.S. I will try my very best to make the next update much faster.**


	3. Chapter 3

He looked around carefully and drank in what Arthur had done.

It was a graveyard, but not the sort that was gloom and had an air of melancholy. This was beautiful, like a haven of sorts. Around him stood statues, monuments and memorials of all the loved ones Merlin had lost over the years since his arrival in Camelot. It had been hard for him, to lose so much and so many in the quest to fulfill his destiny and protect Arthur, and it had hurt him a great deal. Though, as he looked around, thew pain was washed from him.

In the centre stood Balinor, a Dragonlord and his father whom he had only known for a short time before he was taken from him. The statue that stood was the very likeness of him, carved from pure, white marble, every detail etched into the stone from the folds of his cloak to the crinkles by his eyes. Around this were scattered statues and stones with inscriptions etched in memory of those loved ones. Freya had a lily pond with a few words of respect on a stone beside it, Will had a monument of a Knight in armour and his sword, and so on and so forth. Amidst these were carefully tailored gardens from which grew wild flowers and ivy entwined on wooden bars. Merlin's heart swelled with love not only from all the sweet memories that came rushing back, but for the wonderful prince responsible.

"Do... you like it?" he heard a quiet voice from behind. Realisation hit him like a slap in the face.

"All this time," he started, "you weren't really angry at me?"

"I had to keep you away somehow! I wouldn't have been able to keep this a surprise if I had you tagging along each time." he looked up at him through his lashes, with an evidently guilty look on his face.

"You idiot!" Merlin hit his arm, a little harder than intended, "You had me worried sick! I thought you had started to hate me or, or..."

Arthur rubbed his arm. "Well that's just the type of thing a clotpole like you would think! I could never hate you." he said matter-of-factly.

Merlin looked around again, and couldn't keep the tears from flowing down his cheeks.

"It just like you to cry like a girl." Arthur said softly, now taking some steps closer so he was beside Merlin.

"Shut up." he said, and wiped them away vigorously, "Why did you do this?"

"After learning of all these newer versions of the stories we have lived through together, with you saving my life more times than i dare think, it got me thinking and realizing as to how many lives and wonderful people you have lost because of me." Arthur had been looking down, his voice humble and solemn, now he looked up, his eyes intense in a way that gave Merlin chills. "All great struggles demand sacrifice, but that does not mean that those who gave their lives bravely are forgotten. Hopefully, this will be here to stay for years and years to come, and the memories will live on even after we are gone."

Merlin smiled fondly at him.

"I love you." He wanted to say. Instead he said, "Thank you, dollophead."

He laughed, grabbed his arm and pulled him along to show him the rest of the masterpiece.

"You know, most of these designs are my own, i personally sat with the Court Architect and designed this entire space. The decor and personal touches are mine, i thought white roses would go perfectly for Freya and Lancelot because of the purity that is symbolized, whereas the blue for Elyan and Will were imported from only the best Merchants, over from Mercia and Gedref..." Arthur nattered on and on and on as he showed Merlin around to each and every piece that stood within the grounds.

Merlin, of course, didn't mind at all as he loved the sound of Arthur's voice more than any other, and this gave him an excellent chance to admire the beauty that was Arthur Pendragon.

The way his eyes sparkled with delight at his own masterpiece, his perfect, red lips shaping the words Merlin was no longer listening to, the sun dancing on his hair giving the golden mop and even more polished look. Merlin could stare all day if given the chance, but if course that might be a bit weird on Arthur's part. He couldn't help it though, Arthur was very handsome and the fact that he had done the most sweetest, kindest, honourable thing made him seem all the more attractive.

Merlin did not believe Arthur was capable of such tenderness, he obviously did not know Arthur well enough to guess. This annoyed him and made him want to get to know Arthur all the more, as he wanted to know the king inside and out. Know him, his mind and his heart.

As if almost on cue, Arthur looked to Merlin for a second and noticed him staring.

"What is it?" he asked, hesitantly.

"You don't know how much this means to me." Merlin said softly, looking away. "You have bestowed such honour upon the lives here that has always been deserved, and for me, that is more than i could have asked for from anyone."

"That's why i did this Merlin," he explained, "I know now how much you have done and I wanted to show you that the actions of you and those who have passed are both appreciated and honoured."

During this, Arthur had placed a hand upon Merlin shoulder, and although Merlin was sucked up into the sweetness of Arthur's words, he couldn't help but be very aware of Arthur fingers lightly touching the skin that was revealed in the gap between his neckerchief and tunic. A blush rose in Merlin's cheeks, and he inwardly kicked himself at displaying how obviously affected he was.

Arthur, however, was neither disgusted nor shocked. Instead he seemed rather intrigued, and brought his hand slowly to Merlin's neck where his fingers lightly brushed his pulse and collar bone. Merlin swallowed, and he blushed harder at the warm touch. This was possibly the most intimate moment that had been shared between the two, and he relished it.

But alas, the moment was short-lived as Arthur suddenly came to his senses and shook it off. He pulled away from Merlin and coughed nervously.

"Do you... want to stay here some more, or do you want to head back?" he asked, tentatively.

"We can head back. I can come here any time i want now." He winked, playfully, breaking the awkward ice that had settled over them.

Arthur laughed, and locking the giant oak door at the entrance, and after handing Merlin the key, they headed back to the horses.

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**A huge special thanks to:**

**Jasmine Indigo Sappihhra  
**

**Loulou2a**

**and ****lily for taking the time to review my story, and of course lots of hugs and kisses and thanks to all those lovelies who followed and faved it means a lot thank you!**

**Will upload the next chapter asap but for now enjoy! xxxxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**A big thank you with lots of love to:**

**Loulou2a**

**Jasmine Indigo Sappihhra**

**and sword for your reviews; they make my day and i adore you guys for taking the time to comment! xxxxx**

**Hope you like this next chapter, it's a change of POV, hope you guys don't mind that too much. Also readers, you might like to keep in mind that in this AU, Gwen actually died after she had betrayed Arthur, she had killed herself along with Lancelot after Arthur banished her. It was later known after the bracelet and note from Morgana was found that they were both innocent. Gwaine, however, is not dead. Arthur has included their memorials in the graveyard. Enjoy!**

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They were enveloped by a comfortable silence on the way back to Camelot, although by the way Arthur's thoughts were buzzing around in his head, he was unable to enjoy the peace.

The moment shared between him and Merlin previously was replaying over and over again in his head, he didn't understand why he was suddenly so captivated by Merlin's throat. Even if the skin was wonderfully soft and velvety and ivory, it didn't mean Arthur had to lose himself so. Many beautiful women had been thrown at Arthur in his time, but he had always managed to keep his cool. But that skin was just calling to him, at the time he couldn't resist a slight touch.

He looked over to Merlin and saw that the other man was also deep in thought, though unlike before his face now beamed with happiness, and Arthur smiled to himself, pleased that he had been the cause of his friend's spirits being uplifted. It allowed his whole body to relax and release all the tension of his thoughts, and realise that it was silly of him to worry about such a minor moment, when all this had actually fixed a lot. Merlin was feeling better, and that was the whole point and purpose of Arthur's actions, and quite frankly it was all that mattered.

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Upon reaching Camelot, a feast was held in honour of the lost knights and subjects of Camelot in the bid to create the golden age they were now living, and it was one of the grandest festivals that Camelot had ever held. Tapestries and flags lined the walls of the great hall, the colours illuminated by the warm light of the fire, whilst jaunty music was played until the the late hours of the night. Nearly everyone in Camelot was invited, and soon it got so crowded in the hall that guests had to loiter about in the corridors and courtyard. Arthur ordered for the guard to be doubled whilst at the same time requesting for lanterns and decorations to be put up all around the castle. The whole of Camelot celebrated the lives of those loved ones, and it was spectacular.

At first Merlin wouldn't leave Arthur's side and chatted to him half the night away, telling him stories of all the escapades he and his friends had gotten up to behind his back. This was followed by a lot of 'oooohhhh''s and 'so that's how that happened!'s on Arthur's part, which earned a lot of laughs from both sides. Arthur felt comforted and complete whilst Merlin was blissful. Everything was perfect.

But it wasn't too long before Arthur had turned to a few other council members to discuss boring matters of politics, and Merlin was whisked away by a hoard of giggly maidservants that bunched around him and cooed their appreciation of his looks and words. Merlin, naive little thing he was, misunderstood their interest and thought that they wanted to hear of the surprise Arthur had given him, and this caused them fluster over him even more, whilst the knights had even started to gather, listening attentively.

Arthur turned away from the council members after having had a long discussion about taxes and rates and trading, to find Merlin being swamped with attention, and he smirked at how emphatically Merlin told the events of earlier today. However, it didn't take him long to realise how the girls chirped at his every word, how the knights patted him on the shoulder and whooped. It gave him a very uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach and blood felt as if it was boiling beneath his skin.

Then he stopped and shook himself. He had recognised the feeling as jealousy, but it scared him. Why on earth would he be feeling jealous of Merlin getting attention? Merlin always got attention, from the very first day he arrived in Camelot. It wasn't news that he found it extremely easy to make friends, the boy was lovable and everyone was drawn to his charm. So why was he affected so? Why did he want to go over there, grab Merlin, pull him back to his chair, sit him by his side and never let him go? It was horribly possessive of him, and he did no such thing, but God knows how bad he wanted to.

Instead, he went over and listened to Merlin's story as if he hadn't been there and lived the moments himself. He smiled as Merlin described the gardens as flamboyantly as possible whilst the girls sighed, and then joked aloud at how girly Merlin had made it sound. Merlin laughed, and called Arthur to his side, and Arthur couldn't help but feel butterflies at that.

"It's hard to make such a girly surprise sound like anything otherwise!" Merlin teased, giving a crooked smirk which allowed one of his dimples to be accentuated in his right cheek.

Arthur tried not to show how affected he was by that, and so gave a cock of an eyebrow and smug grin in return, "So that's the thanks i get for all that hard work!"

Merlin laughed and carried on a story that was linked to the rest of the group and everyone listened as if they had all become children again and were listening to their favourite fairy tale (mind you, there were often a lot of fairy's in Merlin's tales) and because Arthur had already heard this story before, he took this opportunity to trace Merlin's features with his eyes.

Merlin had changed a lot throughout the years he'd been here, he looked older, though he was still very young for so great a man. Now in his twenty's, he had a more built frame; his tunic and jacket looked slightly tighter than it had in the past, he even had a little bit of a tan from long rides in the desert on trading expeditions. His hair was no longer an adorable bowl cut, but a normal kind of mop of black hair, and his hands, though beautiful and slender, bore calloused palms that had seen hardships. Sometimes Arthur noticed that Merlin's eyes had changed a little, when not smiling, they seemed so sad and ancient, heavy with the burden of knowledge and wisdom, and when his smile disappeared frown lines appeared easily between his brows. Little boy Merlin, the idiot that had the guts to stand up to the 'Prat of Camelot' (as Merlin called him) , was now Merlin Ambrosius Myrddin Emrys, a legend, a brave hero, and above all, a man.

That was one thing Arthur had always been certain of, before the magic, and before the revelation, was that Merlin was more a man than anyone else he had ever met. Not so much in the sense of the male gender, but more that he defined everything that was human and good in the world, he was fearless yet fearful, he cared so much about others that his own life was worth nothing to him, and he couldn't care less about it. Having to deal with the monsters made up the man Arthur had known all these years, and it filled him not only with pride, but with longing to be man enough to match him. He wondered whether he himself was a man or a monster, whether he was worth all the other man had been through.

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Stars and lights, and dancing and glitz, and finally the party was over. A thin streak of light had formed beyond the horizon, indicating that Camelot had managed to party the night away and dawn was almost upon them. Everyone hastily made their way back home, or to their chambers, and Merlin had to lug a rather drunk Arthur to his room. Honestly, some things truly never changed!

"You know what _Mer_lin," he slurred his words and Merlin smiled endearingly, "I really love you."

Merlin laughed and patted his stomach, "I love you too, big man!"

Drunk Arthur shook his head violently.

"Noooooo! No, i _love _you!" Merlin seemed to get the idea, and blushed, but he tried to laugh it off nervously.

"You big kid! You are drunk, and we are getting you to bed!" They had reach Arthur's chambers and he hauled him through the heavy wooden door, closing it behind him, whilst Arthur nuzzled into his shoulder.

"Merrrlin." he purred, and Merlin couldn't help but feel butterflies.

"Come on, to bed!"

"Okay." He obeyed adorably, like a little child all of a sudden, and Merlin smiled.

He helped take off his boots and shirt, helped clean his teeth and lay him down, tucking him into a nest of soft blankets and covers. When he felt he was done, turned to leave, when a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him down.

His face was dangerously close to Arthur's, just an inch's kissing distance, and Merlin could see flecks of dark blue, in the sea of sky blue that were Arthur's eyes.

"Please don't leave me." Arthur whimpered.

"I could never do that." Merlin replied without thinking.

Arthur smiled, again like a pleased child, and began to trace the features on Merlin's face with his fingertips.

"I love you." He whispered, like he was telling a secret.

Merlin closed his eyes as he traced his fingers over his eyelids and brushed his lashes, feeling their softness and being comforted by it. He ghosted his finger tips down his cheeks and across his lips, and before he could think rationally, his lips parted, and a puff of hot breath hit his fingers, Arthur relishing the warmth. Then before long, Arthur hands trailed down, and fell onto the bed as the King fell fast asleep.

Merlin lifted himself up from the bed, and quietly made his way to his own chambers. That night, he slept with a smile on his face.


End file.
